TWGB: Contempt!

 

Reporter: Are you going to testify?

Trump: I have a gag order. I’m not allowed to answer that question pic.twitter.com/ss1c9flfDL

— Acyn (@Acyn) May 6, 2024

Oh, he's allowed to answer the question. Donald Von Shitzinpantz can testify and talk about testifying, this has been well-established. What he can't do is denigrate the witnesses or the jurors. Now, maybe listening to this lying ass is a form of denigration to the jury--but it isn't prevented by the gag order. And for the nth time--a gag order isn't some brand-new fresh thing invented just to give Trump a hard time. It is a normal application of restraint for a defendant who is already liable to fuck with the witnesses or jury in a way detrimental to the pursuit of justice.

So if someone has a problem with Trump being under a gag order, go look at how Trump tries to fix or even rig things to his benefit. He loves the obstruction of justice because he is not a big fan of justice from Mueller to Merchan to his obviously delayed for all the fuckery reasons federal cases. 

He isn't even a big fan of the Constitution if it stands in his way. 

Liar's Polka

 

Host: At the end of the book you say, the very first thing you would do if you got to the WH that was different from Biden, is you would make sure Biden's dog was nowhere on the grounds. Commander say hello to cricket. Are you trying to look tough? pic.twitter.com/oAlQBHDCmd

— Acyn (@Acyn) May 5, 2024

"Liar's Polka", not "Liar's Poker" because this woman is moving her feet all over the place but doesn't have a lick of an idea how to play a game. She doesn't just kill her own dogs, but wants to kill Biden's dog? (Hint: A potential Trump VP candidate?)

That is not a Biden problem, that is very much a Kristi Noem problem. She is very tough on livestock and her imagined conversations with world leaders, but she is as dumb as her foot and a half of natural hair extensions and her prime-time makeover. 

So here is how dumb Noem wants to be--she supposedly read the galleys of her ghostwritten political memoir, and even voiced the audio book, but is only just now realizing she never met Kim Jong Un and that's a problem. Somehow someone else's problem. She says she met other world leaders, but she isn't talking about that because...I dunno. 

TWGB: The Hope Hiccup

 

The funny thing about Hope Hicks being the person whose testimony thus far has most atomized Trump's defense is that her job used to be helping defend Trump--even telling "white lies" to do so. "White lies" are a TrumpWorld problem--they add up, and after a while, they stop being quite so white, because there is a lot of dirt underneath. Like snow that has been trampled--it all mixes with the mud eventually. 

We are told she broke down on the stand at the start of cross examination, and some folks have speculated as to why--why, then? 

I have a notion--secrecy is prized far more highly than honesty in TrumpWorld, and the penalty for honesty can be high. For a long time, Hicks was able to tell white lies and stay in the good graces of "the family", but even though Trump had nothing to say on leaving the courtroom (being a bit more sandbagged with reporters over Merchan's unceremonious dumping of Trump's "I can't testify because of the gag order boo hoo" whinge) to properly articulate (to the best of his current abilities) his displeasure, it will be felt. 

TWGB: Von Shitzinpantz

 

Trump: I’m not allowed to testify. I’m under a gag order pic.twitter.com/4qeH81ERWo

— Acyn (@Acyn) May 2, 2024

It's hard not to view Trump's latest lie--that being under a gag order means he can't testify in his hush money trial--as living down to Michael Cohen's charming nickname for him: "Von Shitzinpanz". One could very well assume he's chickening out, knowing full well that nothing he says will actually help him. But does his reluctance to testify mean he is, literally or figuratively, shitting his pants over it?

Although it's desperately unethical, I can imagine a world where exhausted lawyers just give Trump the impression that the gag order does so mean he can't testify because it's simpler than telling him he's a great big dotard and no competent lawyer would put him on the stand. Maybe his lack of campaign events (other than the two on Wednesday, where he navigated sentences in his mother tongue as if said tongue had come to a shocking fork) is also a tricky bit of advice--sure. The gag order. Because having most of one's campaign fundraising money go to legal fees means not holding as many events and certainly not for the purpose of screwing himself harder by yapping freely about why having suspected Democrats on the jury is jamming him up. 

It's a dangling dagger, a sword of Damocles, a sharp set of scissors for a toddler to be running with--today, he gets fines, but it really could be jail if he keeps it up. 

Vance Walked into This So Hard

 

KAITLAN COLLINS: So you agree that people who break in and vandalize a building should be prosecuted?

JD VANCE: Yes

COLLINS: Ok, I'm just checking, because you helped raise money for people who did so on January 6 pic.twitter.com/nEztSPrQlC

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 2, 2024

It's almost like he somehow did not even see it coming. How is that possible?

I almost titled this "Do you want to see a dead body?" but 1) it's cliched, 2) I'm not sure how much authentic life animates the craven and ambitious husk of J.D. Vance, and 3) regardless, he'll endure, zombie-like and signifying, for some time to come; the rare example of a horror-movie undead ghoul THAT EATS ITS OWN BRAAAAIIIINNN!!!

I get carried away with myself--but not as much as Vance does when he insists Mike Pence was never in danger that day, which really makes me wonder who he's trying to convince. I mean, is he whitewashing the insurrection because it's the MAGA thing to do--or is he trying to convince himself that auditioning to be Trump's running mate has no potential, fatal downside? 

A wise person might very well give that a more serious think than Vance seems to be able to, but I do not actually view him as either wise or serious. This is what, I think, makes him as good a contender as any for Trump's #2.

TWGB: And the Portions are Too Small!

 

The downtrodden billionaire schlump, Donald Trump, has laid bare his soul to move us to pity and fear (first as tragedy, then as farts) by laying out the paradoxes of his current fate: they are rushing his trial, and he is spending too much time in court; and he is being kept away from all the campaigning he wants to do that he is absolutely not doing on the days he does not have court. 

It is a pity--he is too mad and hurt to fundraise (Trump not ready to take money: UNPOSSIBLE!) but of course, by email his campaign will fundraise off of his legal misfortunes. And they really, really have to, because lawyers are expensive. And he's mad at his lawyers for not being aggressive enough and for delays in the case, even while the aggressiveness he WANTS is causing delays and might not even be the best strategy for him. 

No wonder the bottomlessly energetic Trump (according to the unbiased ramblings of #2 son, Eric) can't stay awake at trial. He's trying to take all the options in the "Choose Your Own Adventure" his life has become. This is why his recent rant sounds like the Woody Allen joke: "The food is terrible and the portions are too small." 

What the hell does he want or expect, really? 

I Love the Smell of Discovery in the Morning

 

Comer’s new talking point is that the reason his impeachment investigation is stalled is because there’s *too much evidence* 😆 pic.twitter.com/MOi09SmVka

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 30, 2024

It smells like burning whatever Comer's fucked-up old "evidence" is. And yes, I am saying "fucked up old evidence. " And Comer should know by now, it doesn't actually go anywhere. If there was too much evidence, why haven't we seen an orderly, not-debunked, probative trail of information that connects the dots from Hunter Biden doing....aw Jesus, any damn thing....and his dad somehow benefitting and quid pro quoing the fuck out of it? 

Hunter Biden, despite being depicted as unqualified for various positions he's worked in by Republicans as if he's a nepo-baby, is a lawyer. He's a good lawyer with really good lawyers. He's suing Fox News for defaming him over exactly the bullshit that the House GOP has being trying to impeach his father over. And I say "Bravo!" because here's the fun thing--Fox News seems to do the same thing for Trump the National Enquirer did--bury negative shit about Trump, and fluff absolute bullshit to denigrate his opponents. That's what happened with their Dominion and Smartmatic voter fraud lies--and until the Biden story became obvious toxic waste, that's what they were peddling to an audience well-conditioned (by them!) to believe in Democrat fuckery and excuse any obvious GOP lies. 

How shitty, busted and past its sell-by date is the Biden impeachment story? Um, Rudy Giuliani, who needs an intervention and seems to have no one in his life who is considerate enough to make it happen, is making it very clear SOMEONE should just "lean on" Zelenskyy again.